Good evening, ladies and gentlemen... You are currently tuned into Siao Lang Keng News. Apologies for having to abruptly freeze transmission of our usual programmes. You do understand that this was done on the premise of a very IMPORTANT news break.
Our reliable informants on the ground have managed, to the fortune of the knowledge of the public, get whiff of a controvesial tiff between a certain aggrieved Mr Tan and a certain creature by the name of Barney.
As a reputable News Channel, you can be assured of the authenticity of our news scoop. Our poor Mr Tan allegedly accused "Barney" of trying to defame him by posting a video which we understand, portrays him in an extremely controvesial but hilarious setting.
*News Anchor chuckles and attempts to stifle laughter superficially.
Our initial preliminary visual inspections have proven that the video is true in all of its authenticity. In other words, the main video character or i would say "celebrity" is indeed the aggrieved Mr Tan.
SLK News understand that the incriminating footage depicts the mentioned Mr Tan being savagedly assaulted by "Barney" using a pillow as a weapon. To our horror, "Barney" was laughing madly throughout Mr Tan's ordeal. Our reviewers were greatly surprised to see that the short video clip allegedly shows other parties being involved as well. One such individual was a manical lady who was functioning in the capacity of an emcee. Whether she had an actual role in the assault, we are unable to comment. The other individual spotted was a certain Mr Chan , courtesy of the information gleaned from our informants. Apparently, he was battered acrimoniously which subsequently saw our Mr Chan put on a colourful display of profanities.
*News anchor rolls on floor laughing, nearly rolls out of studio, then gets back on his chair.
Due to the reservation of our plaintiff, we have exercised discretion to avoid broadcast of our Mr Tan on air to avoid excerbating his sufferings. On the hand, we see no reason not letting you, our valued viewers have a look at our accused in question here...
I would have to warn you, Ladies and Gentlemen that the accused or otherwise "Barney" may present you with extreme shock on visual appearance. We have accounts of real people who seen the "Barney" first hand and laughed to death. Some were so amused, they rofl and rolled into the Marianas Trench in the Pacific Ocean, never to be seen again.
Our informants have also let on us that Mr Tan is currently blocking attempts by the so called "Barney" from uploading the video in question onto a well-known website by the url of www.youtube.com. Police are currently hunting for this beast and the sympathy of Siao Lang Keng News goes out fully to Mr Tan and Mr Chan....
Members of the public who happen to chance upon "Barney" are advised to exercise discretion and apply the top tactic of the known "36 tactics".
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