Learning Outcomes

Sometimes it is useful and important that we condense whatever we have learnt into a series of points so that we can extract the essence from within and become more useful individuals thereafter.

It is okay for me to suffer as long as i ensure that those around don't

It is not okay i realise. Much as i don't like to see people around me suffer, there are some people who don't want to see me suffer as well. If i were to persist with such a thought, it will be unhelpful and inconsiderate.

I endeavour to help as much as I can to relieve as much of the burden

I should consider my own limitations as an individual before I act. Superheroes act the way they do because they have superhuman abilities. I don't and if I do, i end up sinking together with the person i am intending to help which isn't helpful at all.

The key thing is to help within your limit.

A relationship is important in my life

It is important but it is best to consider these...

Whether it is the right time.

Whether it is the right person.

Whether it is of utmost priority in my life.

I think it is okay to place someone at the centre of my universe and plan everything around them.

It is not. When that person leaves, your universe collapses as well. It is not a plug and play thing. I form emotional attachments with the person which lies all around the place and when the person leaves, it is not just the person, those attachments are gone. You live for yourself not at someone's behest.

A rebound relationship

I have garnered valuable insight and experience being at the "gaining" as well as the "losing" end of rebounds. To say this doesn't mean that i have purposely entered relationships for the purpose of such learning experience. No, i categorically turn down such suggestions. 

There is a time required to be set aside after the end of a relationship comes for feelings to be packed away neatly and for emotional and historical baggage to be properly stowed away. This is to be fair for the next person that comes knocking in my life. They had nothing to do with my baggage and i should ensure that it remains that way for the entire relationship be it successful or not.

Family and friends

I have learnt that my family and friends are the most valuable things in my life. I have earned alot, lived the high life and yet i have gotten a whole lot emptier. And yet, i have neglected my family and pushed away outings with my friends. I am thankful to learn that they have not gravitated that far from me. Now i am close to penniless, emotionally void and none the wiser. But not all's lost.

Giving in as a solution

I have grappled with the dilemma of whether to deal with a complex problem using conventional means or should i exercise caution in deference of emotional baggage. In the end, i gave in as my wits gave up on me. If giving in was a means of helping, it serves no end. In the end, i harmed more than i helped for giving in meant i was giving the other party the easy way out and denying her the good of learning the hard way.

Verbal abuse

I have now understood what it means to be on the receiving end. Though i am still having difficulties trying to apply what i learnt, i am trying very hard not to be a tongue lasher. The trauma of verbal abuse isn't any better from physical abuse.

Tackling someone else's problem

Someone else's problem is like a book. If i don't understand the contents of a book, i should just put it down and express my inability to help.

Learning to say no

 I used to think that saying no to someone else was a very cruel thing indeed. I often thought about the adage "do unto others what you want others do onto you"  i certainly do not clamour the feeling of being rejected or being turn away. However there is just one thing. As much as we shouldn't allow our heart do the talking lest we turn irrational, there is no need for us to force ourselves to do things we really don't want to. Learning to say no is an expression of that and as long as there is no outward intent to reject one with glee, saying no shouldn't make us be drenched in guilt.

The short term versus the long term

We have all made shitty decisions from time to time. But let this be a reminder to me that looking for the desperate quick exit may leave a long last repercussion. It is imperative that i think of the long term before i execute a decision.