cry me a river

I have always been a pragmatic person. A realist more than an idealist. There were times when i wished for things though. Too many a times, those wishes fell on deaf ears and I realised at each turn that nobody except myself will fulfill those wishes.

The person whom i love and cherish so, looks the other way. Yet individuals whom I have no intention of hurting, embroil me in one mess after another. I recall that as recent as 5 years ago there were still happy times when i had the inclination to wish that time would stop still. Such a thought has not surface for a very long time. A bad patch soon to pass? I'm not too sure either.

I changed, we all do... for better or for worse. For whatever reasons, they are aplenty but rarely do i recall, for my own sake. It was always in the belief that this will please this someone better or make myself more pleasant in the eyes of others. I have never been popular and neither has these slews of measure made a difference. Not that it matters now that i type it out now.

I feel a general sense of lethargy creeping over me. Maybe i am already over the hill at the tender age of 22. It could be that I have spread myself thin for too long a period without a recharge and some bits of me are now in permanent disrepair. If they say Time will mend everything, how long then will it take? I can wait but can I afford to? Would everyone be so kind as to wait for me to bid my time as Time does its magic?

I told myself once that the fiercer the flames, the more magnificent the phoenix to be resurrected, from the ashen remains. The more shit and crap i face now, the benefits I am going to see in the future in the form of character building. I feel myself getting scarred and somehow a little more cynical, sceptical and judgmental. But is it still a case of being older but yet none the wiser?

Is there really someone out there who is understanding enough to wait for me to settle my muck and allow me to turn around?