In The End

There are many things in Life that are really worth waiting for. Of all of them, there are some which you really look forward to, such that anticipation for it turns into a desperate wait of agonising proportions. You know how much you really want it when you find your insides writhing in frustration when problems crop up, threatening to scuttle it for good.
So it should be natural for anyone to really cherish every moment of it when it comes. Right?

Unfortunately, i find myself taking it for granted when it is finally here. Somehow or rather, i will find myself making some faux pas causing it to be ruined. Sigh... Why must things or rather why must I always respond in that kind of manner whenever I sense that things don't proceed in the way I think it should? Because of this, I believe that I have caused unhappiness and moments of awkwardness among all of us on Saturday. The thing is, I know thart i like company as i hate feelings of lonliness but in one way or another, I will behave as if I favour a solitary existence in the presence of others.

Where the only takeaway from it all should have been a nice warm memory of the event, we parted ways on a rather sombre note, with bad impressions and an it-could-have-been-better feeling. At least this is what I thought of it. If I could have redeemed myself, I wish I could have but then again, saying such things at this point of time is really pointless.

The fact that i couldn't sleep on Sat night (Sun early morning to be exact) due to the strong dose of caffeine made it worse. Restlessness and the frequent shifting in bed accompanied the flashbacks of what transpired during the day (most of them being unhappy ones). As i type, I am feeling really down as the negativity of it all spill onto Monday afternoon, making a normally harmless bout of Monday Blues seem especially unbearable...

If I could go back in time to Devil's Bar, back to Friday evening when the first sign of troubles began, perhaps I could have made an active effort in preventing those unhappy things from happening. Even as my logical half tells me I'm being stupid to think like this when it's impossible, I know that at least i can do something as sincere as saying sorry to defray a small part of those silly things that i have done.

I am really sorry