If there was one thing that i felt acutely last year, it must be that i felt that iwas floundering aimlessly. But the irony of the whole affair as pointed out by my best friend was that, the very person who cast me adrift was none other than myself.
Morose is what i would use to describe it. There were too many episodes where i found myself struggling against a tidal flow. In Mt Barebone, i was playing a game, everyday and everyday. It was powerplay. I discovered the essence of Winston Churchill's famous adage, " With Power comes Great Responsibility". While rubbing shoulders with others, i had to scrutinise their ulterior intentions and strategise my followup action on them so as to neutralise any possible cataclysm.I had to calculate each step i embarked on. One wrong move and i could regret it. Such is the consequence and the sad fate that might befall on someone who has no choice but to reside in the corridor of power.
For a very long time, i devoted massive amounts of personal focus and energy just to fight off things that i felt was wrong from the bottom of my heart- the only standard of morality i had with me. I was fatigued. Noone could really understand the mental challenges that descended on me time and time again everytime i booked in. There was a need to find a sanctuary within that place. It was getting too much for me to tolerate the insanity till the next book out. It was either i find a sanctuary of some sort or flounder out, allowing myself to be consumed with i felt was inherently evil.
Even as i speak, the battle is till on. I perceive the battle situation as being bleak. I have only myself as a combatant whereas the enemy was unknown in strength. I was clear for all to assess and attack while the enemy lurks in the shadows, constantly contemplating the next devious move...
No comments:
Post a Comment