Untitled

Today once again, i descend back into the murky depths of my heart in a bid to understand myself again...A journey to the centre of the world, all over again.

If i find great difficulty just to comprehend my responses to stimuli around me, how about my attempt to decipher the thoughts of others? Appalling is the word i guess.

You can describe someone's attitude to certain issues or people to be ambivalent but is it logical to talk about having a generally ambivalent outlook on life? I used to think and i still believe that one very good friend is all that you need to have in a lifetime. Of course we can still have contemporaries as friends so as to speak of a respectable social circle but it's that one friend that you rely on and discuss brooding issues with.

Yet despite of my fervent hold on this thinking, i feel lonely. Is it simply a case of skewed thinking gone awry? or simply a misconstrued take of the idea of a true friend?

I feel myself sinking into unprecedented depths of depression and its accompanied drudgery every minute as i ponder on. Extraordinary this feeling is. Sometimes i pause for intermittent periods so as to exit my battered shell and take a a quick observation on my exterior. I want to remember this feeling that i'm going through, imprint onto my mind an indelible impression. Perhaps encapsulate the emotions in a vial, stowed safely somewhere in my mind.

Someday, i will be able to find a use for its contents. To reconstruct the feel of melancholy hanging deeply on me like chlorine gas clinging closely onto ground, slowly but surely wrenching the life out of the living. I volunteer to reenact this scene just to get into an appropriate mood to write, to reflect. The moody eric.

Yet as i stow more and more of such vials- within them containing gloom capable of bringing me to the throes of despondency to the point of return- am i running an ever risk of being poisoned fatally by them. I'm floundering, feels like i'm drowning inspite of regular breathing-my lungs nourished by rich oxygen every now and then.

I reckon that i need to assume a pensive posture so as to properly negotiate my next move.